Good day and good love to you today. I was dreading this evening with the kind of emotion that attaches to something you feel you processed but keeps reappearing in varied ways in your life. It has been a part of the cycle for me this year to learn how to heal on my own even further with lasting and transformational positive results. I must say however that the journey has also held within its blessing, moments of such great sorrow. I am a firm believer that emotions do not make us weak but rather give us the opportunity to strengthen. The only way emotions could be a sign of weakness in my estimation is if one is unable to recognize the true purpose of them and allows themselves to slip to fast reaction. Even in this the process of strengthening is activated however.
Imagine living a life where you have forced yourself to deny feeling. This means you deny joy equally to sorrow. I know you’ve seen these people. When you look into their eyes you might catch a momentary sparkle but for the most part it is a flat landscape. This to me is one of the most tragic things that can happen to a soul on this journey. The only reason we ever go to that path is because we feel that it may protect us or somehow keep us safe from this strange and seemingly uncontrollable emotion deal. This I have found can lead to so much pain and discord on all levels created in the person denying the emotions and also the ones surrounding them if their intention is to help heal and allow once again the birth of the feelings of joy, peace, love and happiness to name a few simply for the eternal and lasting beauty of it.
Now I realize we can all catch fleeting glimpses of these emotions no matter what our chosen path but to experience true depth and thusly true joy one must inevitably face true sorrow. On the journey of your emotions you come to a point where you still feel them but you can detach in a healthy and empathic manner and separate from the impact they have on your physical body to varying degrees.
You can only even begin to walk that path if you can forgive. In the act of forgiveness we allow ourselves true freedom. To remain without forgiveness of the actions of others is to invite pain into our lives. Because it isn’t for us to control others on any level. All we can ever do is our best and at the same time realize that everyone else is doing that as well. We can come with love and pure intention and it may never even be seen let alone recognized or valued on any level and that is ok as well. It is sad and it hurts everyone involved but in the end it’s ok.
I spent the first part of last year loving someone with everything I had to give. Knowing they did not return the action and I was ok with that because of what I saw in their eyes. What I saw. They were not at a place to see. This caused me so much pain. So many feelings of worthlessness and fear and isolation and rejection hit my soul the hardest just when everything started to lock down. I was spinning with it all. I had always been acutely aware of this potential. I could see it and I could feel it but still I could see the other potentials as well and sweet as that was, it wasn’t even the reason why I continued to give beyond what I normally would.
I had to learn some things and forgiveness was one of them once again. It was easier to forgive others in the past as their transgressions against my heart as I perceived them were very bold and easy to clear. This was a deeper and much more subtle impact. It held the seed of transformation for me on a deep and eternal level and none of that would have been possible had I not forgiven the individual with compassion.
My life as all of our lives has had its fair share of ups and downs although mine in the past has been strongly tumultuous mainly due to my seeking of love outside of myself. This one thing I have wanted since birth yet have never found lasting in anyone on this earth. (My children are not included in this statement obviously. Although I am also aware of the dynamics of that connection.) It has led me to appreciate the value of love in a moment. What I mean by that is that if you feel love in any one moment the choice to embrace that moment fully. To allow yourself to be wrapped up in it accepting fully that the next breath it may be different. For no reason you can control, for nothing you do it could simply be….. changed in the next moment.
Different, not gone. If you pay close attention and practice due care you will find that love restored within your own heart. Each moment of love we are gifted with is a treasure we will indeed take with us. The feelings both physical and emotional that love brings are truly proof of a higher power. Love is eternal. Not external. Allowing love to flow in our lives is a way to make this living smoother. It’s a gift that we are given as we walk this path to help us remember and to grow. Without forgiving those who were unable or unwilling or even uninterested in the love we offer we can make no claim to peace in our hearts and souls.
We cannot expect anyone to begin to recognize the value of our hearts or love when they cannot even see the brilliance of their own. I could not see and still struggle at times to see the brilliance of my own heart and love but you know what? I know it to be true because I feel it. I feel it every morning I wake up and choose to walk a path that brings me personal growth and betters the world in the ways so many are starved of. Every morning and every minute that I choose to walk in love. An act of ultimate rebellion in a world that has shown me and tried in so many ways to make me believe that I am unlovable. I stand tall a rebel. A walking rebellion of love unleashed upon this earth with my heart at the helm of this glorious ship called life and I sail it like a true salty sailor of the seas.
Happy New Year!
The Every Moment Mystic 